My last drawing...

...of this boy who means so much to me.

few words about the drawing.
3B, 8B, H pencils, about 25 hours, bristol board and lots of adoration.......
size is about 30x30 cm, cause actually it's square.

for the contest [link]



and a sad story about what happened between us.

Now the end has come. I've tried to hold on to the last to what i believed. But now i'm pretty sure it's just useless. And now i don't want anything, i even don't want to look at anything...i'm just sitting and staring into the nowhere, crying and keep listening to the same song for hours. I know, i've felt even worse, but it's getting harder and harder to resist it every next time.
he's just told me he's sick of me and of my adoration of him and he doesn't want to contact with me anymore, not even mention being "friends", and he absolutely doesn't care about it. And this absotulely killed me. i just can't accept it to be true. But it unfortunately is. I told him that it's very painful for me to hear that. But he said he felt pain sometimes too, but just keept it inside.
So now i'm just sitting and crying, like a weak and stupid girl who i really am. i know i just have to throw it all away from my head and become stronger not to take such things so close to heart next time. but i just can't understand WHY we can't be friends. i guess because i've already bothered him too much with my constant "how are you, my dear?" or "can i help you?can i do something for you?"
i've always believed he's my BEST friend, now i mustn't anymore. But i've never had anyone i cared about so much. And maybe this is because it's just impossible for me...
Now i just don't know what to do. but it doesn't matter. cause it's just for today, for the next week, maybe year, but not for the whole life. The only thing i'm afraid of is that when i become stronger and have done with all these feelings, i'll become heartless and cold. i've never wanted to be such a person but it seems now i just have no other way. he told me stop being sentimental fool, and maybe finally i will, i just don't know what for.

it seems all i've just written has sense only for me and only for this moment. when this pain goes away, everything would be better, at least i hope so. so i'm sorry for bothering you with all these feelings.

i wanted to present it to him for his birthday, but i think now it will be only reminder of what used to be......